In my thirties, I was the happy boss lady, confident, self-assured, and single. I was catching flights not feelings.
However, when I decided to make love a priority, and get married, I had a couple of mind tricks to fall in love the right way that guided my path to the altar.
1. Keep your friends and your identity
Once the love hormones actively induced your brain and you are intoxicated by a person, you need to remind yourself to keep things in perspective. Your world does not revolve around all of their needs.
Yes, they are amazing, but you cannot make them the priority where you lose your identity, family or your friends. Spending time with them is excellent, but don’t forget your friends. This man, or woman you are allowing in your life to take up some time, but not all of it.
What is important is that we keep our focus on the passions and interests that make us who we are and that we remember to maintain a healthy perspective as you are still getting to know this person.
2. Remember to vet a person by their actions not words
Within the first 90 days, you will see many patterns, behavior in different situations, and communication skills. Yes, everyone is on good behavior during this stage, but pay lots of attention to their actions.
3. Invest wisely
It’s nice to be giving in a relationship, but not too much. One of the most egregious misconceptions in dating is that if we let the other person know how much we like them, we’ll scare them away. This is false. The reality is we scare them away when we over-invest in them before it’s appropriate to do so.
In the early stages of getting to know each other, over-investment is not only unnecessary; it’s kind of inappropriate and adds a lot of pressure on both sides.
We don’t know this person. We’re still finding out whether they are someone worth investing in and whether our investment in them will provide generous returns.
It’s like tennis, a nice back and forth movement between the two without one sacrificing, or giving more than the other because it leads to resentment.
4. Forget what the person thinks of you. More important is what you think of them
Until we know someone well enough to see what lies in the depths of their souls, we have no business being attached to the prospect of being with them.
To be attached to a person at an early stage of a relationship is to be infatuated with the idea of them rather than to be inspired by the actual relationship we are creating with them.
Fall in love with yourself first! Don’t wait for someone to fall in love with you. Know your worth, and don’t compromise your values, integrity, and dignity for the sake of being in a relationship.
Sending love vibes! 💋
Follow me on any of these social media links:
Photo credit: Pinterest