I wrote this article for Scottsdale Health November issue.
See below for full legible text.
Relationships can be complicated. However, it would be prudent of you to be aware of items on your non-negotiable list that shouldn’t be overlooked, nor smoothed over. Everyone has a couple of oddities, but some personality types are blazing with red flag alerts that should be noticed and addressed if you want to move forward in a healthy and happy relationship.
Insensitive to Your Needs. You can quickly see someone is insensitive to your needs when you tell them your pet died and they will soon turn the conversation back themselves. This person lacks empathy and consideration.
Brags about Previous Romantic Conquests. Be cautious when your partner repeatedly regales you with tales of his, or her romantic past, or updates you regularly about singles who find them attractive, or brags publicly to friends about being intimate with you. This is a clear sign of insecurity.
Tries to drive a wedge between you, your family and friends. A controlling person that wants you all to themselves is likely someone worth running away from before you are emotionally invested. Cutting you off from your friends and family allows them to manipulate you.
Uses You for Sex. One signal that distinguishes a person looking for “real love” versus someone who’s not is how he or she treats you when you’re not having sex. This person may disappear emotionally (if not physically) as soon as their gratification is met. You’re left hanging feeling alone and empty.
Constantly Puts Others Down. A person that puts others down to build themselves up suffers from inadequacies and an inferiority complex. They are critical and judgmental to put up a facade of superiority and disguise hidden insecurities. This pattern is to boost their own desirability and acceptability in society.
Unwilling To Make a Serious Commitment. If you and your partner have been dating for a reasonable length of time, and your partner is unwilling to make a serious commitment because he or she wants to keep his romantic “options open,” it may be cause for concern. There are many possible reasons for a partner’s lack of commitment. Some are highly reasonable and deserve serious consideration. Others may be highly selfish. This person is consciously, or subconsciously thinking you’re not “the one,” but a backup or stopgap.
You feel drained and depleted of happiness and energy. When you are with the right person, they fill you up with energy and joy. The reason for this depletion is that you are compromising your heart, or negotiating your sense of integrity.
They make you feel dumb. You can never do it right comments; it’s always your fault. They make themselves out to be always right then make you apologize when they are wrong.
Walking on eggshells. Your partner behaves or acts all too frequently with a constellation of traits that are toxic. So toxic, that you have to be ever so careful around them lest they lash out at you. They do so because they are emotionally unstable.
You are being stashed. Stashing is a term to define a man or a woman who never introduces you to their friends, family, dog, cat, or ferret. You don’t exist in any of their social media accounts. They haven’t once shared anything that remotely suggests you’re an item.
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Interesting list! I would definitely say that someone that brings you down or someone you have to tip toe around is a huge flag. Key is to feel comfortable and safe. And loved 🙂
Yes, so true! 🤗