First off, I want to thank my fantastic friend Jocelyn for tipping me off on this dating trend.
The name alone is so gross it took me half the night to find an image that would not gross you out.
According to AskMen.com
“Roaching is the name we’re giving to this dating trend — because, as the adage goes, when you see one cockroach, there are many more you don’t see. In this case, you may have seen just this person, but their hurtful behavior was hiding a number of other confidants, crushes, dates, flirtations, hookups and maybe even relationships from you. And like cockroaches, the behavior’s very common, and kind of nasty.”
So how does it go down? Boy meets girl, all is well in unicorn world until boy slips and reveals that he is seeing other women. Of course, you will protest and say, “I thought we were exclusive?” then boy says “we never had that conversation.” He will tell you he thought you two were just being casual.
Ideas on how to solve this issue:
If things aren’t clearly defined yet, the responsibility is always on the person seeing more than one person to make that clear. Not just for sexual health reasons — although that’s super important too — but also simply out of common courtesy. If they’re roaching you — that is, going on dates, hooking up with people or spending time having flirtatious conversations with other people without telling you — that’s cutting into their schedule and that’s time they can’t spend with you. If they’re establishing a pattern of consistently not telling you about those things, it can quickly begin to feel less like a coincidence and more like an intentional plan to keep you in the dark.”
If you want love and not a hook up you should practice holding back the sex for 90 days, or until you have a conversation to have exclusivity, monogamy, stability, and continuity.
I know it sounds so old school, but it prevents this miscommunication, so you don’t end up getting hurt.
Sending healthy love vibes! 💋
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Photo credit: Mario Testino, Vogue, May 2014