Throughout my 20 something dating life, I was always blaming the men when a relationship ended. After years of self-reflection and therapy, I discovered that I was the problem.
Here are 11 steps to Adult Dating 101 that I have learned through my trials and tribulations:
When You’re Only Looking For Love With Someone Who Fits Your “Type,” Your Heart Is Closed To Real Love
The idea of a “type” is so passe. A “type” is usually some combination of a pattern you’ve detected in the people you’ve been attracted to, or your subconscious biases and fears manifesting themselves in the form of some idealized partner. Love is not a height or hair color or profession. Love is the way you connect with someone and care, respect, and coexist with them. Let yourself have that. Let go of the package you think it should come in.
Face Your Relationship Demons Head On
If you have parent issues, family issues, love issues, ex issues — whatever formula of a mess you’ve been in — open the damn closet and look ’em in the eye. Get some professional help to resolve them as you will bring this baggage to every relationship.
Be Honest With Yourself About Your Intentions
Do you want to get married? Do you want to date? Do you want to be single? You have to be clear about what you want first and foremost, because otherwise you’ll spend your whole life seeking something that will never really fulfill you.
Be Honest About What You Want With Someone Else
Do not go on a dating site and say you’re only looking for “casual dating” when you’re looking for your soul mate. It’s not fair to them, and ultimately, it’s not fair to you. Be straight up and honest on the first date if you want to be married. The right guy will stay while the wrong guy will run.
If A Relationship Isn’t Working Out, State So Explicitly
Ghosting is not for grown people. Adults say: “Hey! I really enjoyed our time together, and you seem like a super great person, but I’m just not sure we’re totally right for each other. I wish you the best!”
Stay tune for tomorrow’s part 2.
Sending love vibes! 💋
Photo Credit: claire bowen saved to Kelsey Merritt. in Models.