Signs Your Lover is a Narcissist

Another big thank you to Hers Magazine for allowing me to share this article on their site.

If you have been following me for a while, you will know that I write extensively on this subject as I once fell under the spell of a narcissistic man that made my life a living hell for a year. Now, I want to share that pain as medicine for you in the event you shall ever meet a Narcissist at least you know the signs.

How to Tell if He’s More in Love with Himself than You

By Ingrid Levin

One of the main reasons why we fall for narcissists is that they are incredibly confident, charming, witty, and they immediately show interest in you like no other lover ever has. Sounds great right? The thing with narcissistic lovers or partners is that they start out great.

The beginning of the relationship is a whirlwind of hot and heavy nights, but narcissists are smooth in the bedroom and out. This means that you may not notice all of the negative signs because they’re introduced subtly and quietly. But when you finally wake up from the haze of perfect hair and bod that you’ve been enjoying, you’ll find that you’re in a very one-sided relationship. Both of you only care about him.

Luckily, you can finally de-mask a narcissist sooner in the relationship, rather than later if you look out for these warning signs:

Insensitive to Your Needs

Narcissists can be very endearing and persuasive. They’re typically masters at flirting, romanticizing, impressing and convincing.  It’s easy to fall under their spell. You can tell them your pet died, and they will quickly turn the conversation back on themselves.

Flirts with Others

A clear warning sign that your lover may be a narcissist is, while the two of you are on a date, or doing “couple” things, he or she begins to flirt with others. This behavior shows a real disrespect and lack of class.

Brags about Previous Romantic Conquests

Similarly, be cautious when your partner repeatedly entertains you with tales of his romantic past, updates you regularly about singles who find them attractive or brags publicly to friends about being intimate with you.

Constantly Puts You Down

To make up for their serious inadequacy, narcissists like to build themselves up. They put up a facade of superiority to disguise hidden insecurity. They target their partners for ridicule, blame, shame or sarcasm. By subjecting their partner to an inferior psychological position, the narcissist can exercise a higher degree of dominance and manipulation.

Uses You as a Trophy

Many narcissists like to do things to impress others and make themselves look good. In social encounters, this “trophy” complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, professionally, materially or culturally. In these situations, the narcissist uses people, objects, status, and/or accomplishments to represent themselves. This could be anything from showing off their overpriced watch to never shutting up about how much they bench press or get laid. Guys like this want to prove to the world that they matter based on these “trophies.” While you want your man to be proud to be seen with you, there’s a difference between that and using you as an accomplishment in order to brag about himself. All they are saying to the world is “look at me, look at how special I am.”

Uses You as a Rebound

After a hurtful breakup or divorce, some singles might seek to find another partner as soon as possible, instead of taking the time necessary to grieve, heal, and be healthy again. While the desire for such “rebound” relationships is understandable, it also has elements of narcissism—one is seeking companionship to avoid pain and loneliness, rather than to truly love and care about someone else. The person chosen as the rebound is used to temporarily fill a void. Many times, when the narcissistic gets over her or his previous break-up, the rebound relationship will also end.

If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, sprint as soon as possible because there is no winning with this type of person. It’s an endless and vicious cycle of misery, loneliness and listening to someone drone on forever about… you guessed it, themselves.

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Photo credit: Janeslo