According to Psychology Today, Dr. Preston states these are the 8 signs that you are with a narcissist lover:
- Insensitive to Your Needs. Narcissists can be very charming and persuasive. They’re typically masters at flirting, romanticizing, impressing, and convincing. It’s easy to fall under their spell. You can tell them your pet died and they will quickly turn the conversation back themselves.
- Flirts with Others. A clear warning sign that your lover may a narcissist is while the two of you are on a date, or doing “couple” things, he or she begins to flirt with others. This behavior shows a real disrespect and lack of class.
- Brags about Previous Romantic Conquests. Similarly, be cautious when your partner repeatedly regales you with tales of his romantic past, or updates you regularly about singles who find her attractive, or brags publicly to friends about being intimate with you. They stay in contact with ex lovers and what their lives are like today. Then they tell you my ex is still in contact with me, so I must be a wonderful person.
- Uses You As a Trophy. Many narcissists like to do things to impress others and make themselves look good. In social encounters, this “trophy” complex can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, professionally, materially, or culturally. In these situations, the narcissist uses people, objects, status, and/or accomplishments to represent the self, substituting for the insecure and inadequate “real” self. You are basically an accessory to their madness. All they are saying to the world is look at me, look at how special I am,
- Uses You as a Rebound. After a hurtful breakup or divorce, some singles might seek to find another partner as soon as possible, instead of taking the time necessary to grieve, heal, and be healthy again. While the desire for such “rebound” relationships is understandable, it’s also has elements of narcissism—one is seeking companionship to avoid pain and loneliness, rather than to truly love and care. The person chosen as the rebound is used to temporarily fill a void. Many times, when the narcissistic protagonist gets over her or his previous break-up, the rebound relationship will also end.
- Uses You for Sex. One signal that distinguishes a narcissistic lover from someone who’s not is how he or she treats you when you’re not having sex. Since a narcissist uses others to satiate his or her own needs, he may disappear emotionally (if not physically) as soon as his gratification is met. You’re left hanging, perhaps feeling alone and empty,
- Constantly Puts Others Down. In order to build themselves up for their serious inadequacy. They are critical and judgmental. In order to put up a facade of superiority, and disguise hidden insecurity some narcissists will constantly put other people down, to boost their own desirability and acceptability. In a romantic relationship, some (but not all) narcissists may also target their partners for ridicule, blame, shame, or sarcasm. By subjecting the partner to an inferior psychological position, the narcissist is able to exercise a greater degree of dominance and manipulation.
- Unwilling To Make a Serious Commitment. If you and your partner have been dating for a good length of time, and your partner is unwilling to make a serious commitment because he or she wants to keep his romantic “options open”, it may be cause for concern. There are many possible reasons for a partner’s lack of commitment. Some are highly reasonable and deserve serious consideration. Others, however, may be highly selfish. To the narcissist, consciously or subconsciously you’re not “the one,” but a backup or stopgap.
If you find yourself in this kind of relationship, sprint as soon as possible because there is no winning with this type of person. It’s an endless vicious cycle of misery.
Hope this helps some you!